When desires get fulfilled

It is hard to control desires. We desire all sorts of things: money, power, respect and the list goes on and on. It is hard not to desire those things. It is hard to say ‘no’ to these things when everyone around is chasing them with so much passion. We are tempted to attend top universities, to work at stressful jobs and to do different kinds of crap to get what we desire. If we somehow do not desire that much, we think that we are somehow wrong. Because how come so many people be wrong. ‘Certainly, they should be right, so I had better start desiring as much’, I thought to myself. If it is so, it is time to hustle…

I was born in a developing country. But I loved my country. I loved its people. I loved its culture. When I attended the high school, I noticed that many of my peers desired to get hell out of the country. They spent their time preparing for english language tests and subject examinations. ‘They should be doing something right’, I thought. So I started desiring to get out of the country. I entered the competition. I spent nights preparing for language and subject tests. Somehow, I happened to do well in tests and examinations, and I got out of the country. I now live in a developed country. So I should be thinking, ‘yes, I made it’, right? But I don’t. Within first days of arriving into the new country I faced tons of problems peculiar to the host country. The grass is always greener on the other side, I guess. So, did I fulfill my desire? Yes. Did I become happy? I don’t think so.

With each stage of my life, I am tempted to desire new things, to enter new competitions. A voice, coming from the same place which persuaded me to get out of my country, promises new prizes if I achieve these desires. But I am learning to say ‘no’ to this voice. I have been deceived countless times. Perhaps it is time to learn not to listen to that voice. I do not want to enter every competition that comes in my way, even though many people are going headlong into it. I am trying to desire less and to stick more to my core principles, instead. Am I always successful in it? Probably, no. Am I trying to become more successful in it? Probably, yes. I have learned that happiness can be found almost everywhere. On the other hand, I did not find much happiness when my desires got fulfilled. It was my story with desires. Yours might be different. All the best.

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Exploring spaces of different kinds. Personal website: https://sites.google.com/view/birzhanm

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